If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
