At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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