i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
