sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
