I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
