bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
