Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's never too late to be topless.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
