he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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