I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
