I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
