Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bring money and cleavage
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
