I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How external is "for external use only"?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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