...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
