Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
