I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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