oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
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