paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
