I look better un-naked...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
