Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
