My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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