can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
