You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
this is an emotional support booty call
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
