I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
