he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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