Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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