I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
