ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
