ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
