Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
