I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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