how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
