his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
