This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
