I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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