ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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