I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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