Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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