just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
