just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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