It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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