Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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