All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
