What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
