how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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