i can't believe i had my finger in that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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