I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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