He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
