I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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