Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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