He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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