I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
